All we need is just a little of it.

I think I am starting to forget how it is like to be patient.

With all the good things that’s happened in the past, and how easy they went according to my plans, I think I got used to that feeling that I could always have things run my own way. Recently, something has reminded me, that I have been so freaking lucky, and that the streak is not supposed to last a lifetime.

Problem is, there is this madness in me. This huge desire to conquer this feeling. I have been so afraid to do this step for a while, until only recently. I need to be reminded that gaining of momentum does not guarantee success.

Previously, all my undertakings have been a series of sure hits. No risks involved, and if there were, they were calculated, measured to be with high probability of success. It never involved getting patient. It never involved your brain and heart sweating.

I think, this time, it is going to be different. I managed to conquer something by doing what I feared the most – and I got past that stage. Now, I thought, it would be just ‘picking apples’ from there, and I never set my self a plan – simply because I haven’t really imagined myself getting past this stage before.

I need to get a hold of myself while I am at it. Or else I will be screwing it up again, and go back to the place where I most dread. A high risk, high reward situation. But I am going all in.

“Always make sure that the juice is worth the squeeze.”

– The Girl Next Door Movie.