Archive for July, 2012

Dalawang Payaso

Posted: July 20, 2012 in Rhymes

          (A free verse I made when I was in my second year college. Inspired by the entries I read from Plumang Pako, from a close friend who came from from Paco Catholic School.

          I am very scared of clowns that when one gets close to me, I tend to walk away from or if I’ve got no choice, I will punch the freak out. The only clown that I consider as cool is The Joker.

          But this one’s got a different theme. Read to find out. If you get it, then I can say for sure that you can relate to it, one way or the other, and/or might have happened at some point in your past. May serve a warning, too, for those who try to impress everyone and forget to give his very self that bliss he truly deserves.)

_____________________________

(Una)

Nakangiti, nakatawa, puno ng galak at ligaya;

Nanggugulo, nangungulit, nagpapatawa;

Puno ng aliw at ngiti ang mukha nyang may gayak;

Natatakpan ng pulbos at palamuti sa mata, bibig, sa ulo at sa tainga

Ang kalunos-lunos at mumunting buhay nya.

___

Walang kapagurang pilit pinapahanga ang madla.

Kung anu-ano ang pinaggagagawa:

Nagpalabas sa entablado, palakpak ang musika –

Kawili-wili, kasiya-siya, pampalimot ng

Problemang tinatalikdang panandalian ng mga taong

Ibig masaksihan and payasong inaabangan

___

Matapos ang palabas, ang mga tao’y nagsilisan.

Ang kanilang payaso, sa entablado’y iniwan

Nagbulungan, nagtawanan, nagpalitan ng galak.

Laman ng bawat bibig ay walang puknat na

Halakhak, hagikgik; panandaliang kasiyahang

Lahat halos ay walang pagsidlan…

Ang payaso’y di man lang nila pinasalamatan!

___________________________________________________________________________________

 

(Pangalawa)

Ang tao sa likod ng balat-kayong payaso,

Matapos ang palabas ay magbabalik-anyo.

Nasiyahan, natuwa sa mga taong tumangkilik (daw!) sa kanya

Kalungkuta’y muling sasapitin sa paghubad ng maskara.

Muling babalik sa mundong ‘di dapat sa kanya.

Hindi na maikukubli ang hinagpis, lungkot at problema.

___

Ibig mang lumisan sa buhay na kalunos-lunos

Wala namng mapuntahan ang payasong sa ligaya, pagmamahal, katahimikan ay kapos.

Ang buhay nya ang kanyang sariling entablado –

Ikukubli, itatago, isasantabi ang sakit at pagsusumamo

Na makalaya sa walang lagusang teatro.

___

Kinukumbinsing pilit ang sarili na tumawa, habang

Ang ginagmpanang sa teatro ay papel ng pagdurusa:

Ang mga linyang sinasambit, mistulang pabigat sa kanya;

Mga papremyo’y ipinupukol, pabuya’y idinudura;

Mga kamatis na bulok, sa mukha nya’y tumatama.

Nagmistulang maskarang nababagay sa dula.

___

Tatakas, lalayo, madkukubli, magtatago

Sa hinagpis ng buhay at sa kalungkutang tumatark

Sa dibdib na ang baluti ay dusa at paghihirap

Sa bawat hakbang papalayo, sa bawat iwas at ilag

Ay siya ring tinik, pasa, latay sa pagkatao ang katumbas

___

Hihikbi, iiyak, luluha na lang at tatangisan

Ang buhay nyang unti-unti at patuloy nilang winawasak.

____________________________________________________________________________

Magpapatuloy na lang ba ang payasong ito?

Gusto mang umahon, walang magawa kahit ano.

Magpupumiglas, pipiliting makawala

Sa kadilimang ang payaso rin pala ang siyang may gawa.

Walang ibang hinihiling kundi ang makalaya.

___

__

_

.

Habambuhay na tatakasan?

Lalabanan?

Tatanggapin na lang ba?

 

Ang payaso’s biglang napaisip – palabas ay tapusin na.

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(This was written more than a year ago, from a galaxy far far away…)

This is actually a personal message to a girl who has gotten me all crazy about her for about a year now. Well, until now, I haven’t mustered yet the courage to tell her how I feel (you will learn why, in the passage). So, whatever you think about the article, please feel free to note it down. And oh…I hope this serves as an inspiration to all of you guys. Thanks!

(Looking back at it now, I can’t help but laugh at myself for writing something like this. This only shows how deeply I can get myself into something.)

____________________

Would it be possible for someone like me to fall for you?

This world built by technology became our venue. This is where we are able to communicate – share each other pieces of our lives that we normally don’t do to others. Those exchanges of messages in private exposed the baddest side of me to you. How I stumbled upon a topsy-turvy love story where the protagonist hops from one lady to another in search of a good love – just like a grasshopper does its thing to the grass leaves, hoping that at its last hop it’ll drop on something that will finally make it stop – and satisfyingly feed there.

We may have just bumped elbows like only thrice in our lifetime, but that is more than enough for me to be convinced that you are one to fall for. And indeed I have fallen.

I was hoping that with that side being exposed, you will get to know the real me – for a girl who does not believe in putting one’s best foot forward – I do not know if it is a bold move, but I tried to take the road less taken.

You on the other hand, shared some things that I honestly will say are very delightful to hear, and made me wish I could brighten up your hopes for love just as much as he does. You were able to show just how innocent-like you are when it comes to love. And yet you managed to make me tell myself that when it comes to love, you are not ignorant, for you know and you have an idea on how painful it is to not be given attention to by whoever he is you’re picturing as your Prince Charming in your mind, as much as how great a feeling it is like to be given attention by one.

Both of us are wondering how things in our own lives would go. Both of us knew how we fell and tried to stand again, and pursue that goal of being loved. Yet, no one ever thought, that during the exchanges of ideas, the sharing of thoughts and personal stories, something else is being cultivated. I could have avoided it for I understand, I am not the one you are longing to bring spark to your life, and brighten your every day.

For me it was too late to avoid, yet too soon for me to make conclusions that something indeed has sprouted out of the conversations that we had, comments that we made on each others’ statuses, and the many times the “like” button got pressed. (Or at least, that was what I thought)

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I wish I could ask you for more of this
Just one smile, and you turn my day around
Go play with my heart, I don’t care if it breaks
Oh, You are such a happy mistake

You simply look sophisticated
You get a lot of praises, and I sometimes hate it
A stubborn sweetheart, such dreamers you make
Of us guys. You are such a happy mistake.

However hard I fight with all my might
With you this bliss I could not fake
I know it’s wrong but why does it feel so right
Oh, You are such a happy mistake.

(cheesy.)

“I’d rather have a smell of her hair, a kiss on her mouth, a touch of her hand, than eternity without it… just one.” – Seth Plate, City of Angels Movie

======

(At this part, I don’t know what entered my mind, that I related Pepe’s popular parable to whatever I was writing. I weirded myself here for a while. But this was a great yet funny effort to elevate the status of being in the friendzone, d’oh! – and as if my memory serves me right, the word ‘friendzone’ hasn’t been invented yet when this was written.)

That moth in Rizal’s lamp learned its lesson the hard way. But looking at it at a different perspective, the moth decided to do what he has been dreaming of doing – to get close to that burning light from which such a beautiful feeling and trance emanates. At least he dies, knowing how great that feeling is, burning while disregarding the danger that entails it. He has tasted how it is to reach for what he’s been wanting. A bargain worthy of paying the ultimate price.

“I’m open, you’re closed
Where I follow, you’ll go
I worry I won’t see your face
Light up again”

Simply put, your beauty is your curse. No, your entirety is a curse – to you, and to those who desire to love you. A guy would manage to be a friend, and enjoy your company, and stay that way if possible, for eternity, just to not lose you. He would settle himself with something as simple as your friendly relationship is, and resist the temptation of falling for you – for he fears that all of his fantasies would end – when the time of rejection comes.

For he had been declined so many times. And since he does not want to be declined again, he would rather stay there at a distance – like a moth fighting the urge to get near the light to avoid himself from getting burned.

He would rather stay as subtle as he can, than take the risk of going for broke, get traumatized by a possible rejection which will result to him starting again from zero, and then search for another one like you – which really is impossible to do. You are the only one of your kind in this world. And having someone like you is just so priceless, you would get a hold of that only chance to have you, and pray that it will not be put to waste by failing to seize it.

I might be speaking in behalf of all the other guys who have no courage, but are full of words to say what they feel for you. I do not know if the is any other guy like me to you. But if there ever is, this guy who feels like I do would want to say these same words to you.

But… what if the guy is wrong? What if you also feel the same? What if by staying idle, he is letting go of a
once-in-a-lifetime opportunity of bagging such a great prize, that is why the risk is just too much?

Then again, what if he is right? That the fear of rejection is pretty much what is expected?

What if you get to tell me the answer?
What should I believe in?

Would you ever give it a chance at least?

(Now I am thinking that I have patronized her too much in this one. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a good friend, and we kind of get in touch from time to time, the last time actually was very casual, that I felt so comfortable talking to her that way. To sum it up, this one is too verbose, all for nothing but an attempt to poeticize everything.)

“Dude, if you had just shown to her something as cute as I am at the very first instance that you spoke, you would’ve not needed to write this one at all.”
– Awesome dog is awesome

Daydreaming

Posted: July 14, 2012 in Random

Plain and simple, daydreaming as it is… my wandering thoughts… while at work. LOL! My bosses are going to send me to hell for this! 😀

I am right now, thinking of / wanting to: 

Jam with a band, or just a group of people who know how to play music, and share with each other our appreciation to the craft. I can learn whatever genre to play, just give me time. All I am after is a group to play with, because I am getting tired of playing it alone. And I am missing that feeling again, of getting in synch, you and your bandmates seem to enter a trance. That amazing moment that only playing music can bring.

“So here I am, growing older all the time
Looking older all the time
Feeling younger in my mind.”
– Superman, Goldfinger

Meet people who share the same interests; writing, music, thinking about how great life is, that only a few can understand, those who are in the same wavelength as I am. Endless talks about philosophy, politics, nature, History, the World, WWE, NBA, Boxing, Video games, movies, or whatever. Is it possible to meet another soul mate? You can have more than one, right?

Get to know people from the provinces and live the life they are living there, once again (yes, I had the chance to live a ala probinsyano when I was young, and I’m kinda missing that now). – getting immersed.

Or better yet, this one. I happen to remember this idea just now, but it has been a wonder for me how it feels like, and what virtues and/or lesson you can learn from it – voluntarily getting inside a prison. I would like to request for a special “pass” or whatever it is that’s required by the BJMP, and have my stay there documented. They would let me experience the daily life of a prisoner, as if I am one of them. And I would have a handicam or anything to record  whatever happens inside. I would enjoy and suffer at the same time being inside the penitentiary, sleep behind bars with all of them – so long as they can’t hurt me physically, and my safety is guaranteed before I enter. And then get to know a few good souls inside. That’d be so fun, I think.

Enjoy nature. Enjoy the simple life. I used to be called “Science Man” in college, because of my deeper fascination in the natural world considering I was a member of a Social Science course. We once went to Iba, Zambales, me with a group of males belonging to the Political Science Department; and a group of females from the Industrial Psychology Department. We went to this body of water for a swim, a little smaller for a river, a bit bigger to be called a stream. While they were having a great time in the waters, arranging the rocks to form their artificial dam, or pool, I was somewhere wandering, going after this ‘tutibing karayom’, a prettier species of a dragonfly. And I had not seen one so big since I left Bicol. I sometimes wonder if it’s just me who has a lot of interest in life’s wonders like this, or are they just that not so much into appreciating them? I say, they are really missing a lot.

I love to enjoy the perks of the rural life and experience again that simple kind of living. A group of native folks would show what legit Pinoy hospitality is like – cooking their best native foods, giving you their most comfortable section of the house for you to rest, while they would settle with the not so good part, say, a room without an electric fan, while you’re at their abode. Being a Manileno, I experienced how it’s like to be treated in a special way whenever I visit the provinces.

I have also experienced living in a rural community. I learned to speak in the local tongue. Up to now, I can still remember and understand some Bicolano words, although each town in Bicol have their own unique versions of the dialect. However, I think I no longer am able to speak Oasnon, but if ever I get the chance to go there, I think I could use some refresher course of the dialect.

I spent my early gradeschool years in Albay. I went to an elementary school, where your schoolmates would only wear slippers, and they could attend classes even if they are not wearing uniform. We would have gardening as part of our T.H.E. subject. And I knew what it feels like to harvest your own produce! It was fun! All the ‘talbos ng kamote’ and ‘mustasa’ were free from insecticides. And we would take them home, to be cooked. We would fish, feed the chickens and their chicks. We would make firewood. Alam ko kung paano sumibak ng panggatong. 🙂

Also, since I came from Manila, the kids back then who are in the same age as I was, would battle over whose group I am going to be walking home with from school, like you were some kind of a celebrity. I have significantly a much fairer skin compared to most of my friends, and I think it’s just human nature that was working during those moments, the locals paying so much interest to the new kid in town. They would make a tug-of-war out of my small frame, as if it would make their day to walk home with me. And most of the time, we would just end up walking home taking the same route, as one big group. I was also an honor student then, and people from your barrio would look at you in a very different way. It’s like you make them feel they want to be like you.You become their benchmark, and their parents would always encourage their kids to be like their Manileno classmate. There were also times that I got bullied by bigger guys every start of each school year, but what I lacked in size I made up by excelling academically. And kids actually would respect you for that, if they know that you’ve got what it takes. And then they befriend you. I guess that’s where my being a narcissist originated from. I am not denying it. In fact, narcissism is so evident in this section of my entry. Oh, well. 🙂

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The last time I got near that experience was with my Eastwood pals in our Cagbalete Island adventure, just across Nauban, Quezon, September last year. It was in a resort owned by one of our clients. We spent three days, two nights of appreciation of nature. The beach was like no other. White sand, low tide, crystal clear waters. No electricity which actually added to the excitement. All we had was that 24-hour ember from a bonfire which we managed to get bigger by feeding it with logs, and not just simple twigs and branches. We were like the Survivor participants, minus the vanity and competition, and scarcity of food. It was good… even though Dougal, that beach mongrel stole our three huge pieces of inihaw na pusit when we accidentally left it on the dining table unattended before going to sleep. And yes we slept by the seashore, the katre’s made of bamboo and local lumber was our bed, with the calming waves singing us a lullaby, and the dim lit bonfire added to one of the most tranquil, the most serene and the most awesome ambiance of the place.

“The death-bed of a day, how beautiful!”
– Festus, Philip James Bailey

Here’s a photo of me without my eyeglasses on. Well, Quezon Province, my pair of spectacles is such a small price for the adventure that I had! 😀

In exchange, the seas of Quezon claimed for a souvenir my spectacles, my white Spoofs “Twoilet” shirt, and my manly pride for not knowing how to swim, when the surprisingly calm waters overturned our mini bangka that we borrowed from the local fisher folks. We ended up paying them for the catch that was lost for that day when the bangka went downside up. It was like the sea goddess of Nauban played a little prank on us. Well, it was a good bargain for what the island has offered us. 🙂

Join a force that cultivates peace, people empowerment, anything for the good. I’ve done some ‘kawang gawa’ in the past and I think I got addicted to it. But I never want to belong to any radical activist group. I’d like to have Kara’s job (I so envy her!), but I fear that too much curiosity with the people from that profession, of being a rebel for a cause, would cause me to have my thoughts inclined to the ‘dark side’ so to speak.

Be a Tourist Guide. I am a Carlos Celdran fan. Well, at least his job. I used to fantasize about me guiding the tourists of Intramuros and Fort Bonifacio, while I share with them the stories behind the history of the place. I am a Rizal fan, and for some reason, I only want to be a tourist guide for Fort Santiago, Intramuros, and Luneta. Sure, I would like to be a tourist guide all over the country, but if given a chance to choose, I’d choose the places that I’ve mentioned.

“I am tired as a dog, but I will sleep as a god.”
– Jose P. Rizal

Become a Documentary Journalist. The likes of Andrew Zimmern of Bizaare Foods, or Kat De Castro in her ABS-CBN travel show, or GMA 7’s Jay Taruc, Kara David, Jiggy Manicad.  Everything I have mentioned here, and whatever it is that I am going to experience, I would be able to share to the public. I work while I am having fun.  I actually have a lot of idea in mind, that I have not seen from these guys.

_____

Well, this ain’t my bucketlist yet. I think I can accomplish these. I’ll be dedicating another article for my bucket list soon.

And I hope you had fun reading about my wandering thoughts. I’d love to hear about yours, too. 🙂

Dolphy

Posted: July 10, 2012 in Confessions, Random

I just wrote about LeBron James being crowned the King, for winning his first ever NBA Championship…

… and now I will write about a King’s passing. Only a few minutes have passed after all the major local TV channels showed their respect through breaking news, impromptu documentaries (obviously they have already anticipated of this, weeks back), and the monstrosity of posts flooding our Facebook walls, and Twitter. The news spread out as a false alarm at first – with news from different sources saying that Eric Quizon held a presscon to deny the news of Dolphy’s death in the social network sites. And then, came the breaking news at exactly 8:40 pm.

The feeling’s quite indescribable. I spent my childhood watching the Home Along Da Riles series which depicted the real image of an ordinary, average Pinoy family, every Wednesdays for more than a decade. And the first ever movie of him that I saw was the Espadang Patpat (1990), if my memory serves me right, started the trail of more Dolphy movies – all funny as hell, no matter how corny, each movie hit the ticklish funny bones of each Pinoy. And I am only one of the millions.

He stood as a hope for the masses. His humor is very well gotten and appreciated by every Pinoy from different classes, but more from the poorer side of the fence, as what the old ones saw in John and Marsha. His comedy is no expensive at all, that is why his name and works, and laughter have all the special places in our hearts.

As I was checking on the updates in Facebook about Dolphy, I could not help but comment on a friend’s post and I said “hindi ako nahihiyang amining fan ako ni Dolphy.” And a proud fan I am, indeed, and never am ashamed about it.

He never sought for power. Never run for any government office – but he was a force whenever he showed his support to any particular candidate. His words were so funny without setting aside the sincerity when he delivered his eulogy to the Late Action King FPJ. He didn’t even ask to be awarded  as a National Artist (the case of whether he should be given that award is still pending, due to the fact that he supported Manny Villar’s presidential campaign, and whatever the implications of that were, impeded the awarding of the National Commission for Culture and the Arts (NCCA) the title of National Artist to the Comedy King).

His smile is enough to turn one’s day around. There may be times that I think of him corny, but I still find myself glued to the idiot box and stop my channel surfing once I start to pay attention  on a Dolphy movie instead as it is being played on Studio 23, or on some local movie cable channel. Not only in the field of comedy did he show his greatness. He also starred as Walter Dempster Jr./Walterina Markova, and showed us a different side of Dolphy. Something far from his comic image.

Only a few Filipino showbiz icons share that same glory and place in each Pinoys heart. The likes of Fernando Poe, Jr., Francis Magalona, Rico Yan. The entire country stopped upon having heard of the sad news of the passing of each icon. As proof, here I am now, still writing about him, though stunned by the news.

It’s indeed an honor, to have lived in an era where all of these icons existed. And even though I was only able to appreciate the last decades of the Comedy King, I am still very thankful.

_____________________________

For providing me laughter in my more than two decades here on earth. For giving generations of Filipinos smiles on their faces.

For being the hope for the country – keeping our smiles in the middle of the hardships in life of the Masang Pinoy.

For paving the way for all the other artists.

For leaving us a legacy.  And I am sure, a lot of artists will try to follow his path, but there will never be another Comedy King.

To the Quizon family of celebrities, of different faces, of different fields of expertise.

Let’s raise our glass of Banayad Whiskey, and hail the farewell toast to the one and only Comedy King.

Salamat, Tatay Kevin. Salamat, Dolphy.

“Pindutin nyo lamang ang play at sigurado kayong tayo’y makakasamang magchi-chikahan, magchochorvahan, tayong lahat! ehehehehe (with matching the patented Dolphy laugh)”
– Rodolfo Vera Quizon, Sr., OGH,
(July 25, 1928 – July 10, 2012)

Two days after, and I have heard a lot of good stuff about the man in eulogies for him and some interviews and news features. I realized, all my life I never really had a father figure. To be honest, I wasn’t able to enjoy life that much as others were with their dads by their side.  Oh, I am telling now, don’t ask about me and my dad unless  you’re ready with an overnight bag, bottles of alcohol, and a pair of friendly ears to listen with.

Dolphy made me miss my old man. Dolphy made me miss that childhood years when I used to talk to Dad, without any angst inside me. And… I’ll stop talking about my dad right there.

***

PS: If I died unexpectedly. I would like to leave a few instructions to the lady who inspired me to do this WP. I know you can read this, and if my fateful day comes, I know that you will go back to reading this blog. Nobody else reads this but a selected few. Please let them know about this blog. Let Lyne (There’s this one person by that name, she’ll know that it’s her I am talking about if he reads this) tell everyone what he knows about me, who I am and who I could’ve been; and may she look after Mom. – a mental note I never want to pass by.

That moment…

Posted: July 5, 2012 in Random

You know that moment…

… when you previously had what you thought was the most complicated problem, that it turned your whole perspective around, and after some weeks of contemplating, you realize that it really shouldn’t have been a problem after all? Still, you are thankful to have experienced it. Take it as another lesson learned out of stupidity – and then just laugh it out to oblivion.

– … when people started to think bad about you – your actions, your words, even your thoughts about them, whether or not it’s proven to be true, they think it’s a normal thing for you, but in reality it really isn’t’, and then one of them has succeeded to approach you to discuss whatever it is that makes them think wrong about you, and both of you tried to deal with it and resolve it in a very mature manner?

It’s quite amazing… God takes away something you enjoy, temporarily, and makes you realize that losing it would mean a lot of loss on your part. He makes you realize that there are really good things that happen in life, brought about by the good people in your life, and that all of these need to   be treated properly so that you won’t lose them. And then, when you know in yourself that you’ve already learned that lesson – that’s when He’s going to give it back – might not be the exact thing that HE took, might be something similar, a bit altered, but, hell who cares.

July appears to be giving me a great head start after all, apart from that unexpected (well, not really – you’d really be sanctioned for your procrastinating) three-day unpaid break from your boss.

You live, you learn, and then you move on…