Archive for the ‘Confessions’ Category

This is not a bike review. This is my first hand account of being a beginner biker: from how I ended up loving the chains and sprockets, and the people who had common interests in living a lifestyle of our own. 

I consider myself as a jack of all trades, and yes, probably, really must be a master of none. I explore anything I can, try to grasp a thing or two to experience how it is, and then just like that, I am all good and over with it. It’s either I decide to stay in a hobby or call it quits, and earn experience points along the way, and be satisfied by the feeling that I know the do’s and don’ts in case I stumble upon the same thing in the near future.

But recently, there’s one thing that got me captivated. Something I thought I’d never be able to do. Something I thought was just a simple hobby, which turned out to be more than just that. It’s a lifestyle. It’s what keeps you… rolling. Biking. (more…)

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It was during a lesson about Principles of Political Science in college, when our Polsci Prof, and then Department Head, Mr. Jerry Buraga started writing on the board all these 48 items. His usual practice is that he’d start a day with us doing a quick Q&A about anything before going directly to his lectures. However, on that very day, he sort of dedicated a very long moment for this portion. From that day on, I decided that I’d buy that book the soonest that I get the chance to. And, after 5 years, I finally had a copy. An ex gave me one. I lent it to another person, and lost it. Bought one again and lent and lost it again. This third copy, I just keep in my shelf, together with two other books from Robert Greene : The Art of Seduction and The Mastery; and Neil Strauss’ The Game. The other Greene books I have yet to buy.

The 48 Laws of Power is my guiding principles in life.This is my personal Bible. People wonder why I want it so much and ask me “Do you thirst for power? Are you a megalomaniac?” and then follow it up with comments like “You are nerd.” You are weird.”

I find their words shallow. They try to see only the superficial value of the words in there. There is a lot more that you can learn from the book aside from grabbing power. It teaches you to understand how people think and behave in the society. It teaches you how to detect the ones who are capable of wielding power in their hands and those who are only going to squander it. It gives you an insight about society and leadership that not ordinary people would understand and appreciate. It improves you. Only if you understand that the book is like the Force in the movie Star Wars, you have to know how to handle and use it to be always on the upper hand. You have to acknowledge the fact that it has good and bad sides and it would depend on the reader how you would use both these sides to your advantage. Couple it with the other books from Greene, one can easily take the challenges in the society like it’s a walk in the park.

The book is about being selfish. It is brutal. It teaches you the cleverness that not everyone would accept. In the vernacular, it is the book for “Paano Manggulang 101”. It will churn your stomach and turn it upside down if you are that kind of person who is morally upright, or a religious devout. It goes against the current of morality. It is after all, about grabbing power in its strictest sense. (more…)

More pictures here: Traslacion De Nazareno 2015

 

I also want to share to you these amazing works by none other than Mr. Fung Yu:

http://www.360journals.com/360/Nazarene/2015/nazarene2015.html

A lot of things may be said about this festival. Most of them I do not want to touch and discuss anymore.

One thing is for sure for me. The devotees of the Black Nazarene showed their force of faith. A combination of beauty in chaos, solemnity, resilience, that have spanned decades in practice.

What it did for me? It satisfied my curiosity. I went there not as a devout Catholic (for I am not a devout Catholic). I came there as an observer, and a fascinated one I was. (more…)

MY LIFE ACCORDING TO GOLDFINGER

Posted: January 25, 2014 in Confessions, Random

I promised myself I would do this in my blog. Here it goes. It’s a ‘post game’ from Facebook. Here are the rules:

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, answer these questions. Tag FRIENDS you think may be interested in doing this. You cannot use the artist the previous person used. Do not repeat a song title. Repost this as “my life according to (artist)“….

But what I planned to do is not only to put in the titles, but also to supply the media, music or video, and possibly the lyrics of each Goldfinger songs for each item. I am right now a little bit lazy to provide other descriptions or stories behind each of the songs… but I might add some any time soon. (more…)

All we need is just a little of it.

Posted: September 18, 2013 in Confessions

I think I am starting to forget how it is like to be patient.

With all the good things that’s happened in the past, and how easy they went according to my plans, I think I got used to that feeling that I could always have things run my own way. Recently, something has reminded me, that I have been so freaking lucky, and that the streak is not supposed to last a lifetime.

Problem is, there is this madness in me. This huge desire to conquer this feeling. I have been so afraid to do this step for a while, until only recently. I need to be reminded that gaining of momentum does not guarantee success.

Previously, all my undertakings have been a series of sure hits. No risks involved, and if there were, they were calculated, measured to be with high probability of success. It never involved getting patient. It never involved your brain and heart sweating.

I think, this time, it is going to be different. I managed to conquer something by doing what I feared the most – and I got past that stage. Now, I thought, it would be just ‘picking apples’ from there, and I never set my self a plan – simply because I haven’t really imagined myself getting past this stage before.

I need to get a hold of myself while I am at it. Or else I will be screwing it up again, and go back to the place where I most dread. A high risk, high reward situation. But I am going all in.

“Always make sure that the juice is worth the squeeze.”

The Girl Next Door Movie.

Man-O’-War

Posted: May 26, 2013 in Confessions, Random

Ever wondered how a jellyfish deals with its life?

It’s just there in the middle of the ocean… floating… living but like a lifeless organism.

It just goes where the where the waves bring it.

Let this post be a reminder of how my way of living is right now. Well, at least that’s how I see it.

A life full of nothingness. Just living to make it through the next day. Each day starts and ends like it’s in a  vicious cycle.

However, for some reason, no matter how lost in the ocean of the fast life you feel like, somewhere along the way, a driftwood comes. You didn’t imagine one to arrive, nor did expect one to come in the scene – just right on time, but it does come.

(And mind you, they come in bunches!:)   – this one I added after a few things have transpired in the past week)

And before my mind floats away to bringing sense into this post, and ready myself to sleep, let me quote myself, from my yesterday’s wall:

To that person who always manages to knock some sense into me when selfishness tends to drive me out of line; my counterweight when I’m tipping off the edge.

Three points for you! :)))

Salamat!”

You may not know it. But what you told me just recently helped a lot more than what you think.

Stay being you. No matter how much you think it sucks. LOL! 🙂

Cold Summer Nights

Posted: May 19, 2013 in Confessions, Cryptics

(October 19, 2013 – Disclaimer: This was written several months ago. I can see the significant change that has happened to me in the past few months. As I have mentioned several times already in this blog, the emotions involved here, and the person that I was when I wrote this may not necessarily be reflective of my current state. I was actually planning of removing this post. I did for a time, put it in private, for I thought it would give a bad impression to whoever it is that is making me move right now – making me live with a purpose. But I told myself why hide something that helped you make my self who I am right now? So there. You know who you are, if you ever happen to read this. )

I never imagined how cold I have already become, to everyone around me.

These new people around me have been telling me that I tend to be so insensitive every time I make comments about some people, that I sound as if I don’t even give a crap if some people would find them offensive or not. Mind you, I am really that straightforward, but really, I don’t really give a crap.

I used to kill myself thinking of what possibly might be the reasons when your guy friends invite you out, but now I couldn’t almost care less. I am sure that there would be other guys who are hitting on you, and you just go and entertain them. I am just wondering why I just don’t worry much. I don’t know why. The only reason that I could think of is that you are not really into being in a relationship right now, and you just want to have fun. I know, because you told me. And I might have gone too complacent because of that fact.

And you definitely are some force, for me to not desire wanting other girls – I would in a heartbeat reject the idea of wooing a girl who is far from your qualities. Aside from the fact that it would be hard for me to invest some good emotions again, I most of the time just see it as a waste of time.

And come on, honestly, like how many times have we spent time together since the year started? Two movies, an out of town, and a night of gazing at the heavenly bodies? Compare them to the things that you do with your friends, any of those that we’ve had won’t even be written on your calendar as an important event. But I have all of them saved. Both in my calendar, and in my memory. And they are all stored in my heart. Those were precious. Not because most of them were done the first time, but because all of them I did with you. Those were precious, no matter how they don’t seem to count as huge events in your life at all, at least that’ s how I see it.

Just recently, I had some serious discussions with my new colleagues about how to love one’s partner. I know you would believe me if I told you that they thought that I was really a jerk, for letting all those things happen to me, and he people involved, that thing from three years ago. I haven’t got any serious partner since then. Not because I don’t want to get anyone hurt, but it was more of I was traumatized by your rejection – I don’t want to try wasting my time and emotions and efforts anymore on some other girls who can’t even be compared to you.

I am still a bag of douche waiting to be triggered. The slightest touch on the trigger is all I need and I could become the baddest partner there is once again. But honestly, I would give all my love and my time and my faithfulness and loyalty and resources to, when that right girl arrives. Until then, I would stay as I am – playful, not minding what others are thinking. I am gaining a lot of weight and losing hours of sleep. I just don’t care. It might be just a coping mechanism. Still, I could not care less.

There is this drive, however, that keeps me going and helps me get through my everyday life. And that is, that there will come a time that I would get the chance to meet you again, hopefully more frequent than how we are doing right now, and that you will be able to see me at least as equal with, if not better than that guy whom you gave your heart to, but not entirely, because you are that kind of woman who does not want to get hurt. And then you would tell yourself that it’s worth the risk with me, the way that you once risked for the other lover of yours. I have been telling myself that I need to become a better man, and prepare for that moment. If it would come to fruition, nobody knows, but I would be thankful because you make me aim to be the better man.

And I am ending this entry again. My emotions are like the tide that ebbs and re-surges. It will come again a time that I will be so strongly thinking about you, and then, that strong emotion would just go away – and tell myself that I need to make myself a better man.

My emotions towards everyone already have gone bland. People tell me that I need to have more social skills (they just say that because I don’t practice it, but I just shake my head, shrug my shoulders and give them my cold smile. Hell, I have Neil Strauss and Robert Greene as mentors – anyone who’d tell me that I don’t have social skills definitely has not known me that much yet.) I’ve grown tired of trying to prove my worth to everyone. Because none of those efforts would not be in close comparison to how much I wanted to prove myself to you. It’s as if they don’t deserve me exerting my efforts.

I just want to hold you right now. I badly miss you. I wish I had touched your hand when I had that chance. I wished I had told you how important you are to me, when I had the chance. I wish I was able to give a fuck about me being the same sympathetic, romantic guy again, when we were dining, or wandering anywhere. I wish I had put down all my defenses. But that wound that you inflicted was just so deep, that I could not risk myself from having that wound opened again and be honest about my feelings for you.

Gaaaggh… In time, I would wake up from this make believe.

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“It’s been three years since I’m knockin’ on your door…

and I still can knock some more.”

Waiting in Vain, Bob Marley