I “Like” the Anonimity of This

Posted: July 17, 2012 in Confessions, Definitely Filipino / Kuro-Kuro Submissions, Random

(This was written more than a year ago, from a galaxy far far away…)

This is actually a personal message to a girl who has gotten me all crazy about her for about a year now. Well, until now, I haven’t mustered yet the courage to tell her how I feel (you will learn why, in the passage). So, whatever you think about the article, please feel free to note it down. And oh…I hope this serves as an inspiration to all of you guys. Thanks!

(Looking back at it now, I can’t help but laugh at myself for writing something like this. This only shows how deeply I can get myself into something.)

____________________

Would it be possible for someone like me to fall for you?

This world built by technology became our venue. This is where we are able to communicate – share each other pieces of our lives that we normally don’t do to others. Those exchanges of messages in private exposed the baddest side of me to you. How I stumbled upon a topsy-turvy love story where the protagonist hops from one lady to another in search of a good love – just like a grasshopper does its thing to the grass leaves, hoping that at its last hop it’ll drop on something that will finally make it stop – and satisfyingly feed there.

We may have just bumped elbows like only thrice in our lifetime, but that is more than enough for me to be convinced that you are one to fall for. And indeed I have fallen.

I was hoping that with that side being exposed, you will get to know the real me – for a girl who does not believe in putting one’s best foot forward – I do not know if it is a bold move, but I tried to take the road less taken.

You on the other hand, shared some things that I honestly will say are very delightful to hear, and made me wish I could brighten up your hopes for love just as much as he does. You were able to show just how innocent-like you are when it comes to love. And yet you managed to make me tell myself that when it comes to love, you are not ignorant, for you know and you have an idea on how painful it is to not be given attention to by whoever he is you’re picturing as your Prince Charming in your mind, as much as how great a feeling it is like to be given attention by one.

Both of us are wondering how things in our own lives would go. Both of us knew how we fell and tried to stand again, and pursue that goal of being loved. Yet, no one ever thought, that during the exchanges of ideas, the sharing of thoughts and personal stories, something else is being cultivated. I could have avoided it for I understand, I am not the one you are longing to bring spark to your life, and brighten your every day.

For me it was too late to avoid, yet too soon for me to make conclusions that something indeed has sprouted out of the conversations that we had, comments that we made on each others’ statuses, and the many times the “like” button got pressed. (Or at least, that was what I thought)

=====

I wish I could ask you for more of this
Just one smile, and you turn my day around
Go play with my heart, I don’t care if it breaks
Oh, You are such a happy mistake

You simply look sophisticated
You get a lot of praises, and I sometimes hate it
A stubborn sweetheart, such dreamers you make
Of us guys. You are such a happy mistake.

However hard I fight with all my might
With you this bliss I could not fake
I know it’s wrong but why does it feel so right
Oh, You are such a happy mistake.

(cheesy.)

“I’d rather have a smell of her hair, a kiss on her mouth, a touch of her hand, than eternity without it… just one.” – Seth Plate, City of Angels Movie

======

(At this part, I don’t know what entered my mind, that I related Pepe’s popular parable to whatever I was writing. I weirded myself here for a while. But this was a great yet funny effort to elevate the status of being in the friendzone, d’oh! – and as if my memory serves me right, the word ‘friendzone’ hasn’t been invented yet when this was written.)

That moth in Rizal’s lamp learned its lesson the hard way. But looking at it at a different perspective, the moth decided to do what he has been dreaming of doing – to get close to that burning light from which such a beautiful feeling and trance emanates. At least he dies, knowing how great that feeling is, burning while disregarding the danger that entails it. He has tasted how it is to reach for what he’s been wanting. A bargain worthy of paying the ultimate price.

“I’m open, you’re closed
Where I follow, you’ll go
I worry I won’t see your face
Light up again”

Simply put, your beauty is your curse. No, your entirety is a curse – to you, and to those who desire to love you. A guy would manage to be a friend, and enjoy your company, and stay that way if possible, for eternity, just to not lose you. He would settle himself with something as simple as your friendly relationship is, and resist the temptation of falling for you – for he fears that all of his fantasies would end – when the time of rejection comes.

For he had been declined so many times. And since he does not want to be declined again, he would rather stay there at a distance – like a moth fighting the urge to get near the light to avoid himself from getting burned.

He would rather stay as subtle as he can, than take the risk of going for broke, get traumatized by a possible rejection which will result to him starting again from zero, and then search for another one like you – which really is impossible to do. You are the only one of your kind in this world. And having someone like you is just so priceless, you would get a hold of that only chance to have you, and pray that it will not be put to waste by failing to seize it.

I might be speaking in behalf of all the other guys who have no courage, but are full of words to say what they feel for you. I do not know if the is any other guy like me to you. But if there ever is, this guy who feels like I do would want to say these same words to you.

But… what if the guy is wrong? What if you also feel the same? What if by staying idle, he is letting go of a
once-in-a-lifetime opportunity of bagging such a great prize, that is why the risk is just too much?

Then again, what if he is right? That the fear of rejection is pretty much what is expected?

What if you get to tell me the answer?
What should I believe in?

Would you ever give it a chance at least?

(Now I am thinking that I have patronized her too much in this one. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a good friend, and we kind of get in touch from time to time, the last time actually was very casual, that I felt so comfortable talking to her that way. To sum it up, this one is too verbose, all for nothing but an attempt to poeticize everything.)

“Dude, if you had just shown to her something as cute as I am at the very first instance that you spoke, you would’ve not needed to write this one at all.”
– Awesome dog is awesome

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