Damsel for Distress

Posted: June 18, 2012 in Cryptics

** This is fiction.

I guess it’s time for me to close this fleeting chapter.

I’ve got to live to fight another day. I’ve realized that doing good for everyone will do good for everyone… but me.

You can’t blame happy people for being happy that they tend to not look at the sad parts of life. Truth is, happy people don’t and won’t give a shit about them. Not that I’m blaming these people for the sad people’s demise. This is the natural course that should be taken. You cannot expect them to look back at what they’ve left and say “Oh, wait, he’s stuck, let’s help,” and all the other bullshit.

You cannot make the water flow to where you want it to, unless you do some drastic move, like digging another channel and divert it. But life is really not as easy as it sounds. There are so many things that you need to consider. For me, I guess I’ve just given so much consideration to so many that I forgot that I should also be looking after my self. Hell, what am I saying?

I should stop thinking about other’s happiness and start thinking about starting my own. I dread that moment when I turn into a cold blooded man.

I just want to thank that very same person who inspired me to set this WP up. You know, had you not come into the scene, I wouldn’t have realized how I really am as a friend, as a part of a group, as an individual, as a ‘guy’. And I would like to apologize for all the things that went around my mind about you ¬†– from the best, to the worst that anyone could think of. What’s weird is, I never said “I love you”, but I feel like this is one of the craziest roller coaster of emotions I’ve had by far. I don’t think that I can still read the things that you wrote – “that made me fall for the writer” – the same way as I did before. But I will keep this blog up.

I was a friend, but I worked as a spy. To everyone. It’s in my nature that I should be wary of everyone. Always ready for that someone meant to stab me at my back. Always ready for an attack. Yeah, the 48 Laws must be responsible, along with the other not-so good stuff in my past. I am not a good follower of those laws, but somehow, in some ways, I manifest in me all the things that I have read, whether on my own volition, or subconsciously. I can’t, and I don’t think I will be able to take it out of my system now.

I was a friend to everyone, and I think I still am. I’ve made it a point that I’d think of everyone’s welfare before mine. I guess I have already played that role so much, that I am already telling myself that getting out of that zone is going to cause me bad things – when in reality, there is really nothing wrong in doing it. I was afraid to make that move to seize what I wanted. But what I did not realize is – whether or not you do something to get what you want, the fear will always be there.

I told myself that I should not be dealing with this type of situation again. That I should know what to do to avoid it. I have not dipped my toe into the waters to test if it’s worth jumping into – for such a long time. And the waters I tested, ¬†I felt so much comfort that I immediately dipped in , only for me to be told that I should get up and leave. Stevie Wonder’s song¬†would best explain it.
And just like any other first experience, this one’s also a rugged edge. I was so cautious of not making a scene, that I ended up magnifying what should be kept in a discreet fashion for everyone’s delight. On the brighter side, you’ve made me want to refine myself, give it time to recuperate, and again walk out there as if nothing happened. I think I know what I need to do the next time this happens. I am actually not sure if I need to let these happen again.

You might think that I am saying these words just because I lost a battle to have what I want – with a hint of sour graping. Truth is, I have never really felt so much affection towards you. But what’s killing me is that I really don’t know why you’ve turned my life around so much, that I forgot who I really am, and who I really should be. What better way to follow up that seven week turmoil I’ve had with my colleagues than to give myself that brick to hit my own head with? I can’t hate you. And I am sorry, but I am letting you know right now – I think I need to hate in able to forget. I’ll try if I could.

How I ended up right here, I don’t know. One thing’s for sure. I need to get out of this hell hole, as soon as possible.

But I will still stay this way – that very same person that you know. Still am grateful for the things that you did for me.

Tell Sushi this is all her fault. ūüôā

_______________________________________________________

“If it is seductive power you are after, the Siren is the most potent of all.She operates on a man’s most basic emotions, and if she plays her role properly, she can transform a normally strong and responsible male into a childish slave…

“Sometimes a powerful man will do the most irrational things, have an affair when it is least called for, just for a thrill, the¬†danger of it all. The irrational can prove ¬†immensely seductive, even more¬†so for men, who must always seem so reasonable.”

“The intellectual is often the one most susceptible to the Siren call of pure physical pleasure, because his life so lacks it. The Siren does not have to worry about finding the right victim. Her magic works on one and all.

“Think of the victims of the great Sirens of history: Paris¬†causes a war for the sake of Helen of Troy, Caesar risks an empire and¬†Antony loses his power and his life for Cleopatra, Napoleon becomes a¬†laughingstock over Josephine, DiMaggio never gets over Marilyn, and¬†Arthur Miller can’t write for years. A man is often ruined by a Siren, yet¬†cannot tear himself away. (Many powerful men have a masochistic streak.)”

Р The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene

You might not be aware of it, but you do have it. And I’ve told you about it before.

______________________________________________________

“One day, you’ll see this through my eyes.

By then I won’t even be there

I’ll be happy somewhere

Even if I cared”¬†

(I heard from  a performer named Nina)

A Siren for a Rake.

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